Why I’m Writing About This

Before I begin, I want to make something very clear: this is not primarily a story about same-sex attraction. It is a story about Jesus Christ and His faithfulness.

For many years, I searched for my identity in all the wrong places, believing that embracing a gay identity would answer the questions I had about who I was. Instead, I found myself increasingly lost. When Christ saved me, He did not remove every struggle overnight, but He gave me something far greater-a new identity in Him.

As Paul writes, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17). That verse has become increasingly precious to me because it reminds me that my identity is rooted not in my attractions but in my Saviour.

Since coming to faith, I have been learning what it means to follow Jesus while continuing to experience same-sex attraction.

I hesitated to write this because sexuality is deeply personal and often divisive, and I never wanted this aspect of my story to overshadow the greater reality that Christ saved me. Yet I know there are others asking the same questions I once asked. I do not write as someone who has everything figured out, but as someone still learning to walk faithfully with Jesus.

My hope is simply to share what God has taught me and to encourage others with the truth that our deepest identity is not found in our attractions, desires, or struggles, but in Christ.

Before explaining what SSA means in my own life, I think it is important to explain why I use that language and what it communicates.

What SSA Means in My Experience

SSA stands for same-sex attraction and refers to experiencing romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction toward people of the same sex. I use this term because it describes my experience without making it my identity

For many years, I built my understanding of myself around being a gay man, but since coming to Christ, I have come to believe that my primary identity is found in Jesus. While I continue to experience same-sex attraction, I no longer see it as the defining feature of who I am.

For me, same-sex attraction can involve emotional connection, admiration, affection, and the desire for intimacy. It is not something I consciously chose, and I recognise that every person’s experience is different. Some people experience SSA from an early age, others do not, and no two stories are alike. For that reason, I can only speak honestly about my own journey rather than claiming to represent everyone who experiences same-sex attraction.

One of the most important things I have learned is the distinction between attraction, temptation, identity, and behaviour. These things are related, but they are not the same. Experiencing attraction or temptation does not define who I am, nor does it automatically mean I have sinned. My identity is found in Christ, and my responsibility is to pursue Him faithfully in the choices I make.

Understanding that distinction has helped me realise that my struggles do not determine my worth, my place in God’s family, or who I truly am-Christ does.

Understanding these distinctions has shaped how I think about my own journey. To explain why, it may be helpful to share a little more of my story.

My Story

Looking back, I can see signs of same-sex attraction from a fairly young age, although I didn’t have the language to describe it at the time. One memory that always stands out is how attractive I found Spike from the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what those feelings meant, but as I grew older, it became increasingly clear that my attractions were directed toward other males.

As I entered my teenage years, I gradually came to accept these attractions as part of who I am. Rather than questioning them, I embraced a gay identity and believed that understanding and expressing that identity would finally give me the answers I was searching for.

Despite outwardly embracing that identity, I often felt confused about who I really was. I spent years searching for belonging, purpose, and acceptance. The more I tried to build my identity around my attractions, the more uncertain I seemed to become.

Looking back now, many of my struggles with identity, mental health, and self-worth were connected to that deeper search for meaning.

One of the most significant moments in my journey after coming to Christ was reading Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry. Her honesty about her own experiences and her commitment to finding her identity in Christ rather than her attractions challenged many assumptions I had held. While our stories are different, her testimony helped me think more carefully about what it means to follow Jesus while experiencing same-sex attraction.

For most of my life, God felt distant because I wasn’t looking for Him. Yet even while I was searching for identity in other places, He was patiently drawing me to Himself. Since coming to faith in Christ, my understanding of both God and myself has been transformed.

I no longer see my attractions as the defining feature of my life. Instead, I am learning day by day what it means to find my identity, hope, and purpose in Jesus Christ.

Yet my story is not ultimately about discovering who I was-it is about discovering who Christ is. That reality became especially important as I began wrestling with what Scripture teaches.

Common Misconceptions About SSA Christians

There are many misconceptions about Christians who experience same-sex attraction. One common belief is that if someone simply prays hard enough, their attractions will disappear. While God is certainly able to change anyone in any way He chooses, that has not been every Christian’s experience, including my own.

Following Jesus is not primarily about becoming attracted to different people; it is about trusting and obeying Christ wherever He leads. Another misconception is that experiencing same-sex attraction automatically means someone is living in sin. Attraction itself is not the same behaviour. Like all Christians, those who experience SSA are called to pursue holiness in how they respond to their desires and temptations.

There is also an assumption that every SSA Christian expects or seeks a complete change in sexual orientation. While some Christians have experienced significant shifts in their attractions, many have not. The goal of a Christian life is not orientation change but Christlikeness.

In the same way, people often assume that celibacy inevitably leads to a lonely and joyless life. Yet Scripture presents singleness as meaningful vocation, and many faithful Christians have found deep friendship, purpose, community, and fulfilment without marriage.

Perhaps the most damaging misconception is that a person must choose between honestly and faithfulness. For a long time, I believed those were my options: either be honest about my attractions or be faithful to God. I have since learned that the two are not enemies.

I can be honest about my experience while also seeking to live under Christ’s lordship. In fact, I believe genuine faithfulness requires honesty because we cannot bring our struggles to God if we pretend they do not exist.

Those questions naturally lead to another important issue: what does the Bible actually say about sexuality, identity, and discipleship?

Wrestling With Scripture

When I first came to faith, I knew I could not avoid the question of what the Bible actually teaches about sexuality. I didn’t want to simply accept the opinions of other people, whether Christian or non-Christian. Instead, I wanted to approach Scripture honestly and ask: What does God say? Not what do I wish it said, but what does it actually teach?

I spent time reading, praying, listening to different perspective, and wrestling with difficult questions about my identity, relationships, and discipleship.

As I studied, I found myself returning repeatedly to passages such as Genesis 1-2, Matthew 19:4-6, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, and 1 Timothy 1:8-11.

I asked many of the same questions others ask: Had these passages been misunderstood? Were they addressing only certain types of relationships? Was there room for a different interpretation? I wanted to examine these questions carefully rather than dismiss them.

The more I studied, however, the more convinced I became that Scripture consistently presents marriage as God’s design for one man and one woman and calls all Christians-regardless of their particular temptations-to sexual holiness.

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that understanding a biblical teaching and liking it are not the same thing. There have been times when I struggled with what God asks of me, but discipleship is not built on agreeing with every command emotionally. It is built on trusting the character of the One who gives it.

Jesus Himself said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience is not about earning God’s love; it is a response to the love we have already received through Christ.

Even when His ways are difficult, I have come to believe that they are ultimately good. The more I have come to know Jesus, the more I have learned that His commands flow from His wisdom, love, and holiness.

That growing conviction about Scripture ultimately led me to a deeper question-not simply what Jesus taught, but whether I truly trusted Him.

Why I Choose To Follow Jesus

For me, Jesus is far more than a teacher or a set of moral rules to follow. He is my Saviour, the One who met me in my brokenness when I was running from both myself and God.

As I shared in my testimony, Christ found me at a point when alcohol, identity, and everything else I had built my life upon had left me empty. The more I sought Him through Scripture, prayer, and the life of the Church, the more convinced I became that He is exactly who He claims to be.

My faith is not ultimately about sexual ethics, sobriety, or any other single issue-it is about Jesus Christ. Those things matter, but they flow from a much bigger question: Is Jesus Lord?

Because I believe He is, I have come to trust Him even when His commands challenge me. Discipleship has always involved sacrifice. Jesus calls every believer to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him.

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

Every Christian’s cross looks different, but every Christian is called to trust Christ above their own desires.

While that is not always easy, I have found that Christ is worth far more than anything He asks me to surrender. My decision to follow His teaching on sexuality does not come from a desire to earn God’s favour or simply keep rules. It flow from trust.

I believe the One who saved me, sustained me in sobriety, and continues to transform my life knows better than I do. Even when I do not fully understand His purposes, I have learned that His ways are good and that He is faithful.

Following Jesus has cost me some things, but it has also given me far more. In Him I have found forgiveness instead of condemnation, purpose instead of confusion, and hope instead of despair. The longer I walk with Christ, the more convinced I become that there is no greater joy than knowing Him and being known by Him.

The Challenges

I want to be honest and say that following Jesus while experiencing same-sex attraction is not always easy.

There are moments of loneliness, unanswered questions, and uncertainty about the future. There are times when I watch friends get married, start families, and enter seasons of life that may not be part of my own story, and that can be difficult. There are also ongoing temptations and struggles that do not simply disappear because I became a Christian.

Like every believer, I am called to bring those struggles before God daily and trust Him for the grace to persevere.

I take comfort in the promise that “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape” (1 Corinthians 10:13). His grace is often most evident not in removing every struggle but in sustaining us through them.

At times, I have also felt caught between two worlds. Some within the LGBT community may struggle to understand why I would choose to follow Christ’s teaching, while some Christians may struggle to understand the reality of living with same-sex attraction. That can feel isolating.

Yet through these challenges, God has been teaching me that my hope is not found in having all the answers or knowing exactly what the future holds. My hope is found in Christ Himself. While many questions remain, I have found Him faithful in every season, and I trust that He will continue to be faithful in the years ahead.

Yet the challenges are not the whole story. Along the way, God has used even the difficult parts of this journey to draw me closer to Himself and teach me truths I may never have learned otherwise.

The Unexpected Blessings

While much of the conversation around same-sex attraction focuses on the challenges, there have also been unexpected blessings in my journey.

One of the greatest has been learning a deeper dependence on God. Coming to the end of myself has forced me to rely on Christ in ways I never would have when I was trying to build my identity around sexuality, alcohol, or my own plans.

Through that process, God has shown me that my identity is not found in who I am attracted to but in who I belong to. That truth has brought a freedom I never found when I was searching for fulfilment elsewhere.

This journey has also helped me develop deeper compassion for others who struggle, whether their struggles look like mine or not. It has taught me the value of genuine friendships and Christian community, and it has opened doors to encourage people who may feel alone in their battles.

Perhaps most surprisingly, I have discovered that joy and holiness are not opposites. Before coming to Christ, I often assumed that obedience to God would mean losing happiness. Instead, I have found that the closer I walk with Him, the more joy, peace, and purpose I experience.

Looking back, I can honestly say that some of the places where I have felt weakest have become the very places where I have experienced Christ’s strength most clearly. As Paul wrote, God’s grace is sufficient, and His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

The road has not always been easy, but it has been good, and I am grateful for the ways God continues to use even my struggles for His glory and the good of others.

Those lessons have reshaped how I think about myself and have led me to one of the most important truths I have learned since becoming a Christian.

What I’ve Learned About My Identity

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that same-sex attraction is part of my experience, but it is not the foundation of my identity.

For many years, I built my understanding of myself around being a gay man, believing that my attractions were the most important thing about me. Yet the more I did that, the more lost I became.

Since coming to Christ, I have come to see that my deepest identity is not found in my sexuality, my struggles, or even my personal story. It is found in Jesus. This is why I prefer to describe myself as a Christian who experiences same-sex attraction rather than allowing SSA to become the defining label of my life.

To be “in Christ” means that my relationship with Him is now the most important reality about me. It means I am loved, forgiven, adopted into God’s family, and being transformed by His grace.

Paul expressed this beautifully when he wrote, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). The Christian life is not about constructing a better version of ourselves; it is about belonging to Christ and being transformed by His grace.

At the same time, becoming a Christian did not erase every struggle or temptation. Christians often live with multiple realities at once: we are redeemed, yet still being sanctified; forgiven, yet still battling sin; secure in Christ, yet still facing weaknesses and hardships.

My experience of SSA exists within that larger reality of belonging to Christ.

Learning this distinction has helped me understand the difference between denying my experiences and refusing to be defined by them. I do not need to pretend my attractions do not exist, nor do I need to hide my struggles. Honesty is important.

But neither do I believe those experiences have the final word on who I am. Acknowledging my attractions is simply being truthful; allowing them to become my identity is something different altogether.

My goal is not to deny my story but to place it under the greater story of what God has done for me through Jesus Christ.

Because I know there are others walking a similar road, I want to speak directly to two groups of people before I finish.

To Fellow Christians With SSA

If you are a Christian who experiences same-sex attraction, one of the biggest things I wish someone had time me sooner is that you are not alone and you are not a second-class Christian.

For a long time, I felt isolated in my struggles and assumed that nobody could understand what I was experiencing. Looking back, I wish I had realised earlier that God is not surprised by our struggles, nor does He withdraw His love from us because of them.

If you are finding this season difficult, take heart. Your temptations do not define you, your struggles do not disqualify you, and your future is not beyond God’s care.

Nothing-not your past, your present struggles, or your unanswered questions-can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39).

Keep pursuing Christ, even when the road feels difficult. Stay rooted in Scripture, commit yourself to prayer, become part of a faithful local church, and invest in genuine Christian friendships.

There will be seasons when questions remain unanswered and the future feels uncertain, but God’s faithfulness is not dependent on our ability to see the whole picture.

As someone who spent years searching for identity, purpose, and peace in other places, I can honestly say that Christ has been better than anything I left behind.

Hold fast to Him. He is sufficient for every season, and whatever challenges you face, you do not walk through them alone.

To Christians Who Don’t Experience SSA

If you do not experience same-sex attraction yourself, one of the most valuable things you can do is listen.

Before offering advice, take time to understand the person and their story. Every individual’s experience is different, and assumptions can often do more harm than good. Avoid treating someone as a project to be fixed or reducing them to a single aspect of their life.

Comments like “just pray it away” or assuming that every person with SSA has the same struggles can leave people feeling misunderstood and isolated. Instead, approach conversations with humility, compassion, and a willingness to walk alongside people as fellow believers.

The church should be one of the safest places for Christians to speak honestly about temptation, struggle, and discipleship because the gospel reminds us that every believer stands in need of God’s grace.

When Christians feel unable to speak openly, they often end up suffering in silence. Creating a culture of grace and truth allows people to seek support, accountability, and encouragement within the body of Christ.

One of the greatest gifts the church can offer is genuine friendship. Meaningful friendships remind us that we are part of God’s family and that none of us are meant to carry our burdens alone.

For many Christians who experience SSA, faithful friendship can be one of the clearest expressions of Christ’s love and care.

Conclusion: Where My Hope Ultimately Lies

I want to end by acknlowedging that I do not have all the answers.

I am still learning, growing, and walking with Christ one day at a time. There are questions I continue to wrestle with and aspects of the future I cannot see clearly.

Yet through everything I have shared, one thing remains certain: my commitment is not ultimately to a position, a label, or a set of rules-it is to Jesus Christ. He is the One who met me in my brokenness, called me to follow Him, and continues to sustain me by His grace.

My hope does not rest in whether my circumstances change, whether my attractions change, or whether I always understand God’s purposes. My hope rests in Christ Himself.

The same Jesus who saved me is faithful to keep me, and that truth gives me confidence for whatever lies ahead.

As the psalmist writes:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26)

If you are reading this and find yourself struggling, questioning, or feeling alone, I want to encourage you not to lose heart. God’s grace is greater than our weakness, His mercy is deeper than our failures, and His invitation remains the same: come to Him.

Wherever you are in your journey, may you find the same hope, peace, and faithfulness in Christ that I have found-not because I have all the answers but because He is faithful.